


And I've Got Problems Too

by pictureperfectwatermelon



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: ADHD, Anxiety Attacks, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Other, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Strained Friendships, Underage Drinking, but it only happens like once and it doesnt get into detail, hyper focus, jared has adhd, thats what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-29 04:36:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11433294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pictureperfectwatermelon/pseuds/pictureperfectwatermelon
Summary: Jared knew that next to Evan, his problems were nothing. And that’s probably why he spent a lot of his high school life kinda sorta hating Evan. His problems were always looked over for Evan’s stupid panic attacks and anxiety.ADHD is just an excuse for shitty parents to blame something on their terrible kid’s behavior. ADHD is just an excuse for shitty children to get away with being shitty.





	And I've Got Problems Too

In elementary, Jared was considered a “hyper” child. He was always jumping from one activity to another, talking too fast for people to catch on and generally considered the “life of the party”. Due to his attention troubles, occasionally his grades would slip, or he would forget to turn in assignments. Sometimes he would hurt other people’s feelings without noticing, which made it hard to keep or make friends. But the friends he did have loved coming over to his house because he always had some new toy or game that other kids didn’t because of his issues with attention. 

Mrs Kleinman thought it was pretty normal for a kid to always be jumping around from one spot to another, especially a  _ boy,  _ because boys were active and playful and that’s just what they do. So Jared would be extremely forgetful, and Mrs Kleinman would playfully scold him about forgetting his homework to play instead, because he was just a  _ little boy.  _ Or Jared would eat too much too fast and get a stomach ache and she’d gently rub his back and stomach and give him ginger ale. Or Jared would run out into the street because he didn’t feel like waiting at the stop sign then nearly get run over-- Actually, she’d seriously scold him when that happened, but let it go because she was taking him to the toy store so it made sense he was so excited. She even let it slip when he got in trouble at school for talking over teachers or walking around the classroom when he felt like it.

_ He’s just a really hyper, and excited boy. He’s happy to be in class, he loves class! Sometimes he let’s it get to him though. _

_ Oh, yes, of course, of course. That’s what it’s like for lot’s of kids. _

_ And, boys are just so active all the time--  _

_ Ohhh I know how you feel, I had a son, he was always getting in trouble with the boys or playing some sport,  _

_ Yes, yes!  _

So Jared got away with it.

That is of course until he hits 6th grade, when his mom really starts nagging and getting on his ass for forgetting to turn in homework assignments.

_ What do you mean you forgot? _

_ Mom, I just forgot! I don’t know what to tell you. _

_ You didn’t ‘forget’, you were just too busy playing on video games.  _

He didn’t know what to tell her. He really did just forget. Then he forgot the next day too, and he got a failing grade on that assignment, and then Teacher Parent

Student Day came (the private meeting they use to threaten children with slipping grades) and the teacher was sitting in her spinny chair, with her two inch heels and her glasses perched on the bottom of her nose and she stared down Jared with the look people typically get when there’s dog shit on their shoes. Jared just sat back in his plastic chair, trying to keep a cool attitude even though he knew the moment his mom threatened any of his electronics he was going to kiss her ass to do anything to not have it taken away. 

“Mhhm.. Okay, Mrs Kleinman, Jared’s grades, as you can see, are slipping. First quarter he passed with all A’s, and now, halfway through second quarter he is doing less than satisfactory.” Which was the nicest way to say,  _ Hey, your kid sucks major ass, so maybe you could take out the belt tonight and scare or beat some sense into your child? Thanks. _

And Jared’s mom pulled her purse closer to her stomach and answered, “Yes, yes, he is definitely not doing to the best of his abilities.”

And then the conversation continued for like, 30 more minutes, which is stupid considering all they had to say was, “Don’t fail or you lose every privilege you thought you had in this school.” But his mom wanted to discuss projects, and how he was interacting with other children (“ _ Very well, but that’s part of the problem, Mrs Kleinman.” His teacher hissed.),  _ and about any fundraisers the school was planning to have that she could possibly help with because while Jared might be completely useless to the school his mom wanted to at least  _ pretend  _ she was those suburban middle class housewives. Jared didn’t care for playing pretend, but he wasn’t going to ruin his mom’s fun.

Jared continued forgetting, eating too fast and too much, being insensitive, and disrupting class. He also started getting weird mood swings and having these violent tantrums. His mom tried to make it sound worse than it really was, when he really only had a tantrum like twice a month. It wasn’t like… He started throwing things at  _ her…  _ Like sure last time he threw his trash bin down the steps and like,  _ maaaaybe  _ tossed the lotion dispenser at the wall, but no one got  _ hurt.  _ No one ever got hurt during his fits of sudden anger. No one got hurt.

So once Evan has like, a panic attack, or anxiety attack, or some sort of attack during class, and Jared, being his only friend, has to help him to the nurse’s office so he could finish hyperventilating in peace. The nurse helps him through it. He’s a really nice guy, and is pretty approachable even though he’s like nearly six feet and has a moderate sized muscles. So he helps Evan through his panic attack, and afterwards Evan always get all touchy-feely, so the nurse rubs his back and Evan hugs his side, still sniffling, his eyes still puffy and red. Jared is just, sitting in the cold plastic chair placed directly under the air conditioning, so he’s cold but also feeling really guilty. He’s not too sure how to provide his friend with emotional reassurance and support, because… Well.. He likes to say it’s because he’s a tough man, but it’s probably because his mom always hides her emotions around him and his dad never really expresses any, so he doesn’t know how to deal with his own or others. But he’d never say that outloud. Ever.

So Jared’s cold and sitting under the air conditioning and twiddling his thumbs, waiting for Evan to feel better so he can leave. He sees some pamphlets lain on the table, and he decides to go through them. There’s once for anxiety, which has the drawing of some little girl and she’s crying. He folds that one in half and stuffs it in his back pocket. There’s one for depression, anger issues, self esteem, eating disorders, autism and ADHD. He flicks through a couple of them, the anger issues one and the eating disorders one, then he also looks through the ADHD one.  _ Isn’t that some made up disorder for three year olds who eat too much sugar?  _ Jared smiled to himself. So he started reading it, because, ADHD is a stupid disorder that doesn’t make any sense, and is just some mom’s excuse to think her child is crazy, instead of the fact that she’s a shit parent and doesn’t discipline them enough.

_ Symptoms of ADHD in Teens: _

_ Distractibility _

_ Disorganization _

_ Poor concentration _

_ Hyperactivity _

_ Impulsivity  _

The symptoms came with more examples, and it broke down ADHD into “inattentive”, “hyperactive” and “combination”.

Ahahaha. ADHD is just an excuse for shitty parents to blame something on their terrible kid’s behavior. Jared folded the pamphlet in half and stuffed it in his pocket.

“Hey Evan, you feeling better?”

  
  
  
  
  


“Hey mom.” 

“Yes, honey?” She answered, not taking her eyes off the road. Jared sat in the passenger’s seat, his hands folded in his lap.

“When we go to the doctor’s, can I go in alone this time?”

“What? Why?” She asked gently, trying not to seem like she was probing.

“Because, I want to do it alone.” He said, irritated. Which is a thing that happens a lot now. Sudden irritability. Suddenly being cranky like a girl on her period.

“Well, I’m your mother, and you’re not older than 18, so I’m still coming in to the doctor’s with you.” She said, and the way she said it made it final, so Jared guessed there was no getting out of it.

They arrived at the doctor’s and after checking in sat in the waiting area for like 10 minutes. Some Disney channel show was on. Jared mostly reflected on his day. Terrible. The teacher handed out some assignment that needed to be done in like a week because it was the end of the year and teachers were trying to cram in all the assignments they didn’t get to. They were supposed to make collages with their best memories and their friends. Jared didn’t really want to make a collage because it was girly and boring, but Evan seemed really invested in it, so Jared’s mom told him he had to do it with Evan, because Evan’s life was sad and pathetic and if he didn’t have a support system he’d probably get swallowed alive by teen life and probably kill himself or something dramatic. That’s basically what his mom said.

The nurse that always took care of Evan when he had panic attacks was leaving the school. He was going back to college to get some more degrees and go on and help more kids by becoming a pediatrician or something. He said to Evan,

_ You’ve given me a lot of experience and in sight on what it’s like to be a pre-teen with anxiety. It means a lot that you trusted me with all of your feelings. _

And then Evan nearly cried and Jared just stood there staring at the dude’s muscles. Why become a pediatrician when he could become a hot actor? Or body builder? Or something cooler than a doctor? Evan shuffled towards the nurse for a hug, and they hugged it out for like five minutes. Jared awkwardly watched them hug. The nurse gave him a fist bump, because that was  _ cool,  _ and told him to take care of Evan, and be a good friend. Condescending  _ jerk. _

“Jared Kleinman?” The receptionist called, then she waved them in, and showed them to their room.

He sat down on the table-thingy, swinging his legs and hitting the drawer underneath. His mom looked up from her phone at him and gently slapped his knees a couple time in warning. She had his phone in her purse, and wouldn’t let him play with it until he was done with the doctor’s appointment, because he nearly made them late because his shit time management skills.

The door swung open and the doctor appeared, and she said, “Hi, Jared! I’m Doctor Martin and I’ll be taking care of you today. Just a standard check up, right? Cool.” Jared’s mother said some things to the doctor, who nodded and said, “Okay, we’ll check to see if that’s a problem. Yeah, of course!”

Jared felt his heart beating in his throat. He thought back to the ADHD pamphlet in his room that he read three times before the drive over to the doctor’s office so that he wouldn’t forget. He looked at the doctor, who looked at him and gave him a smile.

 

 

 

 

After being diagnosed with ADHD, his mom was silent on the drive home. All Jared remembers is getting out the car, his mom handing him back his phone, and him trudging up the steps to his room and sleeping. He woke up four hours later to a silent, dark house. He snuck downstairs, called out his mom’s name, to no response. He didn’t have dinner that night, but he managed to sneak into his mom’s drinks and empty a whole beer can. 

  
  
  
  
  


Jared’s life didn’t change significantly after the appointment. His mom still accused him of not caring or loving her anytime he forgot something. He thought she was just projecting because his dad left her. She was whiny, and he wished she would leave the house more. Unfortunately she had a work at home job, so he was stuck with her the moment he got home from school until the next time he left the house. 

He told Evan about it. Evan’s reaction was kind of chill. He said,

“Oh yeah?”

And Jared said,

“Yeah.” 

And that was it. Evan nodded his head a little, then shifted awkwardly from where he was sitting on Jared’s bed. It was kind of annoying, because when Evan told him he had anxiety, Jared made sure to react in the most ‘Concerned Friend’ way possible. 

_ You have anxiety? Seriously? Wow, that must be really hard to hear. Wow I’m so sorry. Wow that must really suck for you and Heidi. How will you deal with it? Do you have a therapist?  _ Wow wow wow wow so tough for poor Evan Hansen.

Evan just said, “Oh yeah?” and then dropped the topic completely. About 30 minutes later, Jared asked him to leave because he was honestly super ticked off that this guy didn’t care that he was literally  _ in the same boat as him!!  _ They’re both ailed with some annoying disorder! They both had to take some sort of stupid medication because their brains didn’t perform like how brains were made to. Jared thought, for once,  _ this  _ was something for them to both relate to, but … Evan didn’t care. So.

Jared didn’t care.

Obviously, having ADHD isn’t that big of a deal. So he skips taking medication sometimes. He gives into stupid impulsivities like stealing his mom’s card and buying stupid shit off the internet, drinking himself silly when she was out. Once he even took it as far as hurting himself, because he was just stuck in some weird  _ rut  _ where nothing interested him and he  _ couldn’t feel anything.  _ Placed his hand on a hot pan while cooking himself something. It hurt. He could barely feel his palm afterwards, and bending it hurt. He’d get into these moments where he was so stuck in this trance, he’d forget to eat, or sleep or move or do anything. He’d binge eat and then go other days without eating.

Because it doesn’t matter. Who cares. No one cares. ADHD is just an excuse for shitty parents to blame something on their terrible kid’s behavior. ADHD is just an excuse for shitty children to get away with being shitty, and get away with watching their mom cry when she found him barfing his guts out because he drank too much. To get away with letting their mom eat alone because he wasn’t hungry. To get away with throwing stuff and breaking stuff.

Jared knew that next to Evan, his problems were nothing. And that’s probably why he spent a lot of his high school life kinda sorta hating Evan. His problems were always looked over for Evan’s stupid panic attacks and anxiety.

“Stop being  _ dramatic,  _ Jared. Evan has actual problems! You just need to do your work more, and stop using that phone. What if Evan killed himself? It would be because you couldn’t step in to just be his friend! Whatever you’re going through, Evan has it 10 times as rough. Stop complaining!”

  
  
  
  
  


So Jared slinks away to his room and plays a couple video games and like an hour later he can’t really remember why he was so upset. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i was like "ok fine is alana is going to have anxiety jared is going to have adhd" so this was born 
> 
> somethings that were described that may have flown passed your head if your NT is that "He’d get into these moments where he was so stuck in this trance, he’d forget to eat, or sleep or move or do anything." thats describing hyper focus, which is basically when someone with adhd gets really focused on the task their doing and just zones everything out. its not bad, but its not good. it usually helps to focus, but because everything else gets blocked out, it can have an affect on people.
> 
> "he was just stuck in some weird rut where nothing interested him and he couldn’t feel anything" part is what tends to happen to people with adhd when they fall out of their special interest, or cant find anything to super focus on. some people go through these moments where they are just really "depressed", or stuck in this feeling where they can do anything.
> 
> adhd is different for everyone. yeah nts have heard this a lot, im just saying. not everyone is "squiREEL xDXDXDX!11" also we have angst too its not all goof goof dildo. not every person with adhd eats fast and hurts themself to get out of feeling empty and etc. 
> 
> also, to explain jareds kind of shitty behavior towards evan-- jared cares about evan, but because hes constantly being forced to hang out with him (because his mothers obvious pity on him), he cant really branch out to make new friends or be alone or really grow out of this circle his mom has entrapped him in. so while he really does care about evan-- because his mom is suffocating him, hes come to spite hanging out with him.
> 
> another thing-- evans extremely downplayed reaction is not because evan doesnt care. he does care a lot about the fact that jared has adhd, he just assumed that jared wouldnt want to make a big deal or talk about it, because evan's mother and jared had both made a huge deal of his anxiety and he didnt like that. so he thought that jared was around his nagging, worried mother all the time, and that he didnt want to hear all the "sorrys" and "pity" from evan. 
> 
> also the ending is . super weird and could kind of be seen as offensive because i sort of make him forget anything but i like picking fun at my own problems using other characters its like projecting but like im punishing myself lol
> 
> more things, if anyone is exhibitng these bbehaviors, like binge eating or not taking medication or hurting themselves to feel-- you know. i probably dont even need to tell you what to do just do it. help them. i think thats what this fandom should be about the most. reaching out to people who need help.


End file.
